I have been sober for almost two decades. I learned that I just don't know when to say when and being blitzed out of my head is no good for anybody. However, I also discovered over the years that things like pain meds are not a real good idea either. They alter me to the point that I can't think right.
I have been dealing with an issue for the past 8 or so years where it feels like the bottoms of my feet are being blow-torched. It is a 24/7 issue and wakes me at night. I can't sleep with my feet covered it is so bad. Had my blood checked. No diabetes. Also, no explanations. I finally saw a doctor who gave me a prescription. Gabapentin.
The first few weeks were bliss. The pain was gone. For the first time in years, I had relief. Then it began to creep back. I should say that I have always had some extreme and adverse reactions to any sort of medication. That is why I don't even like to take ibuprofen. Chemicals just screw me up six ways to Sunday.
Gabapentin has some hefty warnings. Like always, I read them. I have to know what is being given to me, and that is when I read three pages of suicide warnings. Apparently this drug can mess with you in your sleep, cause nightmares, and bring on thoughts of suicide.
I have taken this medication as long as I can. Unfortunately, it has gotten into my head to the point where I can hardly sleep. The nightmares are vivid and horrific. (One in particular where I came home to find somebody had killed my dogs and left them nailed to a wall still haunts me.) And then there is the other thing.
Suicide. I once found myself driving along down a winding road and wondering how easy it would be to just launch the car off the edge.
None of this is being mentioned to elicit any sort of response of pity. It is more to make you aware. I am very strong willed and have a good head on my shoulders. However, when chemicals are introduced into the body, it CAN change you at the core. Read that long, boring sheet of paper next time you pick up something from the pharmacy. It might save your life by making you aware of the things you need to be cautious of while in the cycle.
I am coming off the meds soon, and have had frank discussions with my wife on the subject. Pain is preferable to the alternative.