Armand Rosamilia, meet Vinnie

Dis guy wishes he was as handsome as Vinnie

Yo, Vinnie DeSporto here, so listen up. Apparently, basketball season is still on. Seattle is in tears. I don't know why, who the hell wants the Sacramento Kings? Not Sacramento, that's for sure. You stupid coffee drinkin' weenies shoulda thought about dat before you let the Sonics ride out of town with the Durant kid. Of course, you still would only be good enough to be first losers considering Miami had this locked up back in October at opening tip off.

So, since sports got nothin' worth talkin' about, I figured some of youse writin' weenies needed to be brought down a peg or two. I mean hey, it ain't like you got real jobs or nothin' to make fun of...I mean, from what I hear, we got waitresses, HR people (and we ALL know what those folks are like), and...if I got my facts straight...a card dealer? But not like a real card dealer, I mean, hey, if ain't in Atlantic City or Vegas...it's kind of like calling yourself an athlete because you drive a car around a track or play golf. To dat end, I have decided to see how many of youse I can make cry.

I decided to start with dis Armand Rosamilia guy. First off, I knew some Rosamilias when I was workin' for the ****** Family in Queens. Most of 'em had elevators dat didn't go to da top floor if you catch my drift. Now, dis guy...dis AR-mand if you will, he looks like dat guy who showed up to join the Hell's Angels on a Vespa. I mean, da only people dat wear goatees like dat anymore are usually just tryin' to make sure they catch all the drips from their Ben & Jerry ice cream cone.

I hear dis guy has a thing for the sittin' part of da lady. Anybody wanna let Armand know that the good part is just a little bit forward from da part he is so infatuated with. S'matter, Armand? You get so used to seeing your bunkmate's dat you forgot where your s'possed to dip the cannelloni?

I heard you on some interview...and I had to check to make sure somebody hadn't put it on fast forward. You gonna walk around lookin' like dat, you may wanna add some bass to your voice. Dat, or I hear da Chipmunks wanna cover some old Sha Na Na tunes, you could maybe pass for a chipmunk version of Bowzer with a little work.

You have likely noticed I have said nothing about his books yet. Hey...when he writes one worth readin' I might get around to trashin' it.

Anyways, I figure dats about all youse writin' weenies can handle for now...so me and my gal, Estelle Scarpelli, we gotta head down to da corner tavern. It's karaoke night. I gotta show dat Bruce Springsteen wannabe what it feels like to be "Born to run". Come back next week...I hear rumor some guy named Tufo fancies himself an author of...lemme see if I got this right...zombies AND vampires? And get dis...he's a Boston fan! I gots two words for you Tufo. Bill. Buckner.

Steppin' on toes in da Rose City, I'm Vinnie DeSporto, in yer face.