Monday, May 20, 2013

A reminder of why we got married...or into a serious relationship.

Several months back, I made a post informing people that I would not be reachable on Sundays. The reason being that my wife and I spent too many hours connected to our computers and our work. That single day was supposed to be a chance to shut out the world and just be together. Over time, it morphed..."Just checking emails real quick" or "making sure the latest promotional sale is posted" and a million other excuses. Long story short, we began to drift back to the old ways.

Now, some may say that it is okay to have a seven-day work week. And I do not begrudge them that belief. Lord knows I have spent enough of my life banging that same drum. However, there comes a point and time where you have to make a choice. Sure, I may miss a promotional opportunity here or there, but if my wife and I are nothing more than two cars driving down the same freeway, what is the point?

The reality is that we both have very busy schedules. She is busy working on her second Master's (this time in forensic accounting) and I have editing projects as well as my own writing that take a lot more time and effort than many realize. When you say that you are a writer, many immediately think you just do whatever...whenever. The reality is not nearly as glamorous. Writing a book is one of the few jobs where you can see a physical representation of your progress (in the form of a word count) every minute of every day.

This weekend, we began something new. We will be making this a monthly event. During the week, we came up with five very simple things on a Post-it note. The object was to pick something that your spouse could do with and for you. (Before you get all wonky, this is not a sex thing...not saying you can't make it about that, but this was about TIME spent together.) So, for instance, one of Denise's was "Brush my hair". These are placed on the refrigerator by Friday night and the object is that you will pluck one at random times through the weekend, ensuring that the last one is draw by noon Sunday. These take a commitment from both people. The person drawing is going to do something that his or her spouse wants, and the recipient has to be ready for that even.. For one of mine, it was "play a zombie-killing video game for an hour". It was not about how well or adept at it she might or might not was just having her do something with me that I find fun. 

So, we spent the weekend together. At random times, we pulled each others slips from the fridge (they are face down so you don't know what you will be keeps it random and fun) and spent time together. 

My point is that so many of us have gotten so sucked into our INDIVIDUAL worlds that we have forgotten the person we chose to spend forever with in the process. No matter what degree of success you have found in your life, if you are not doing things to enjoy it WITH the individual you gave all of your "forevers" to, then what is the point?


  1. This is the sweetest thing I've read. I'm so happy you two are together, and that I'm lucky enough to be your daughter.

  2. what a great alternative to "date" night... that gets predictable! May have to suggest this to hubby! not that we have a "weekend" as such with my shift work!