Friday, October 19, 2012

Zomblog: Snoe...Vinnie talks monsters, and a shove into the weekend.

I have a full schedule of work...Halloween is in the air, and, my OCD is in high gear. About that last bit...I actually do have OCD (according to my shrink) and with all the pretty leaves and wet weather...there is no lack of things to clean.

In 12 days, the new chapter begins in the Zomblog series. I have to admit, I'm more than a little nervous. It is far from "standard" zombie fare. Add to that the fact that I have to write from the perspective of an 18-year-old girl, twenty years after the initial rising...challenging to say the least. Still, I am past the point of no return, with book signings coming up and a box of books sitting in the corner. I hope that many of you will check it out. And of course, good or bad, leave your know the drill.

Tomorrow, I will once again be stepping aside. SB Knight will be here sharing dark secrets and such. Stop in and tell him "Howdy!" And now, after a one week hiatus, I step aside for Vinnie.

Yo, Vinnie DeSporto here, so listen up. Normally, I regale all you book weanies with who or what has been screwing up in sports. Not today ya bunch of coffee swilling literature nerds. Today, Vinnie wants to tug on your ear about the scariest monsters of all time. With it being the season of tricks (that would be you Rosamillia...if that is your REAL name) and treats (that would be you Jamie Johnesee, Billie Sue and Susan if you know what I mean), I thought I should give you the three scariest monsters of all time.

So, without further delay, I start with number three: Children. With some sort of congealed liquid coming out of every orifice, these bank account vampires will drain your savings in no time flat. They are sticky, they smell bad (even worse as they approach the metamorphosis stage to "teenager" if not properly treated), and have the ability to drive all around them to the brink--and then over--of insanity. Worse still, you can't kill them or they have this magic power that makes YOU the bad guy. Of course, if you allow them to will be the bad guy anyways...not much of a trade off.

Number two of the scariest monsters of all time: Not a Transformer...but this piece of technology will make even the most stalwart (nice word, Vinnie. Thanks, Book weanies) citizen shiver with fear. Yep, I am talking about the phone. Between debt collectors, relatives who want money, and telemarketers, your phone has become a terror. Don't lie. None of youse people answer the damn things anymore. It's like the phone has stolen the power of that video in that stupid movie, The Ring...and everybody is scared that if they answer, then they have seven days to live.

Last, on my scariest monsters of all time...spouses! "But, Vinnie," you whine, trying not to laugh as your spouse is reading this over your shoulder, "we would love to laugh, because most definitely, you are jesting, but my "significant other" (I hate that phrase...can't we all go back to saying Ball-and-chain?) is right here and if I laugh...I may be excluded from certain late-night recreational events." SEE?! Scary...isn't it? And just like that monster in the number three can't kill them without incurring a tri-state man- or woman-hunt.

The best thing about these monsters is that two of them are the easiest costumes in the world to assemble, so go as one this Halloween to your office party. When people ask, you pull a piece of paper with this list on it and point to the particular beastie you are representing in your costume.

Steppin' on toes from the Rose City, I'm Vinnie DeSporto, in your face.

1 comment:

  1. I just discovered your work on Kindle and I love it. Meredith is a complex and strong female character, which is right up my alley. I just published my first book and my subject matter is female empowerment. Anyway, I'd love to introduce your work to my followers, who are more often than not, quirky and tough gals, just the type who would enjoy your books. If you can, send over your twitter address, I will gladly follow. Kind regards, Brandon Kelly, @BrandonNKelly, Keep writing!