I have been sober for almost two decades. I learned that I just don't know when to say when and being blitzed out of my head is no good for anybody. However, I also discovered over the years that things like pain meds are not a real good idea either. They alter me to the point that I can't think right.
I have been dealing with an issue for the past 8 or so years where it feels like the bottoms of my feet are being blow-torched. It is a 24/7 issue and wakes me at night. I can't sleep with my feet covered it is so bad. Had my blood checked. No diabetes. Also, no explanations. I finally saw a doctor who gave me a prescription. Gabapentin.
The first few weeks were bliss. The pain was gone. For the first time in years, I had relief. Then it began to creep back. I should say that I have always had some extreme and adverse reactions to any sort of medication. That is why I don't even like to take ibuprofen. Chemicals just screw me up six ways to Sunday.
Gabapentin has some hefty warnings. Like always, I read them. I have to know what is being given to me, and that is when I read three pages of suicide warnings. Apparently this drug can mess with you in your sleep, cause nightmares, and bring on thoughts of suicide.
I have taken this medication as long as I can. Unfortunately, it has gotten into my head to the point where I can hardly sleep. The nightmares are vivid and horrific. (One in particular where I came home to find somebody had killed my dogs and left them nailed to a wall still haunts me.) And then there is the other thing.
Suicide. I once found myself driving along down a winding road and wondering how easy it would be to just launch the car off the edge.
None of this is being mentioned to elicit any sort of response of pity. It is more to make you aware. I am very strong willed and have a good head on my shoulders. However, when chemicals are introduced into the body, it CAN change you at the core. Read that long, boring sheet of paper next time you pick up something from the pharmacy. It might save your life by making you aware of the things you need to be cautious of while in the cycle.
I am coming off the meds soon, and have had frank discussions with my wife on the subject. Pain is preferable to the alternative.
i read every one of them labels. even Prednisone can mess with the mind. helped to send my wife to the hospital. the depression meds are the worst. work for a bit then make it worse for some people
ReplyDeleteI was guilty of just taking what a doctor gave me with no thoughts for years, but as I became more neurotic, I started reading everything. Who says there is no up side to OCD!? :-)
DeleteOof. I tended to overdo painkillers in my quest for sleep and to try to blunt my chronic headache pain. It led to several incidents of dangerous behavior, so my family held an intervention in early April. I went cold turkey on everything but halcion and anti-depressants (for suicidal impulses). At this point, I'm down to one halcion at bedtime (down from two plus another two around 2 AM).
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best in your quest for peace of mind, Todd. If you need a shoulder, PM me on Facebook. Same with Denise.
Thank you, Wanda. You are such a wonderful friend. And I hope all is well for you as well. You know Denise and I extend the same invitation to you (and Joel if he ever did such things). :-)
DeleteThank YOU, Todd (and Denise). I have good and bad days, all related to pain, but that's a small price to pay for my family's peace of mind. They were worried that I'd overdose or burn the house down (sleep cooking really is a thing).
DeleteYou and Denise are strong.
your feet sound like plantar fasciitis, both Ivor and I have had this. Rolling your foot base along a can can help. Im sure there are many other "home" remedies that dont involve drugs....
ReplyDeleteThat was what the doc first thought after diabetes was ruled out, but then she went another direction. I do like the can idea and will give it a go. I also use cold foot baths.
DeleteI know this sounds weird but have you tried putting your feet into hot water or taking a hot bath. I had issues with my arms where it felt itchy and on fire in spots, Heat actual stopped it but do not know what causes it as it rarely happens. Also if its a form of gout in your system from your drinking days get cherry extract, my brother in law is a heavy drinker and it relieves it. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteAs far as pain medication Stay away from Big Pharm they are only in it for the money. Florida had a terrible problem with oxycotin and a lot of people died from it. Go natural head to Colorado or Washington for a weekend and see if that works for you. Bet you will sleep good if nothing else LOL
Jeff S
Actually,
DeleteOregon is in the same boat as WA and CO as of July. (Voters passed it by a hefty margin.) However, no can do for a few more years at least.But I agree on the pharma aspect. Never been a fan.
is it diagnosed as neuropathy? I know that is usually a diabetes diagnosis but it is actually any disease or disorder of the nerves. I love when they give a problem a name... that ends the research to end the problem. One of my problems is fibromyalgia, I was diagnosed over 30 years ago. Now that it is a public thing everyone is diagnosed with it. It gives the doctor a name under which he can write prescriptions. Bandage the problem... then you can get your patients through faster, right.? Have you tried Lyrica? It is a fibro drug but it is actually for nerve pain. If the pain gets too debilitating you can have a Medtronic pump installed or they have pumps that give nerve stimulation to sort of distract your brain from the pain. If nothing helps and you need a break or you are going to lose your mind or blow your brains out (same thing?) what I do is get a book, especially audio books for night time, and it has to be written by a fantastic author. This gives your brain a vacation from the pain by distracting it from your horror show to the authors! May I suggest a guaranteed author? There is this guy with the last name Brown...
ReplyDeletePlease don't give up on medication, I do believe your brain and attitude are first choice to help but it is so hard to keep an upbeat attitude when you have chronic pain and that's where the medical world comes in. I agree that you should NEVER just blindly follow the doctor, they are just people like us that took their education in a different direction then we did, always go by your own brain first. I had a dr. tell me one time "Oh, now you are the medical expert?" I replied "No, but I am the Kathy expert." then picked up my file, grabbed my co-pay on the way out & found a different doctor. (ok, I left out the part where I bawled like a 2 yr old in the parking lot. That's not relative, right?)
Todd, keep going. I do believe that one day they will have pain control figured out. Something that simply deletes the pain, does not alter your mind or mess up your stomach. Actually I firmly believe they already do have it, unfortunately a ton of $ depends on us continuing in pain. Eventually the right person will suffer chronic pain and that will trigger the end of pain. Maybe it will also be an effective way for me to write shorter comments, texts, and all other forms of communication.
You are right on so many levels. And I switched doctors very recently and this new one is being very adamant that this will be handled in some manner. So, my confidence is high and my fingers crossed. Until then, I will just keep making due with my support system and the well-wishes of wonderful people like you who know what real pain is about. And I (as well as Denise) do continue to hope and pray for you and your own situation.
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