A whole new pain.

I am no stranger to working out. I have burned through more than my fair share of workout partners (many half my age) because of the intensity of some of my favorite programs. With names like "911 Squat Routine" and "The full body 3 by 20 by 10", when I workout, I am not there to socialize or share stories. I am there to work out...PERIOD.

On January 1st I started the Spartan WOD (workout of the day) in preparation for the Spartan Run in August. Now I am a cold iron plate kind of guy. Toss 'em on the bar and let's get busy. I hate running. Those three words are such an understatement. And forget timing me...unless you bring a calendar or a sundial. Stop watches are stupid.

Each day, I get an email telling me what my workout will be. For instance, on Sunday...I opened this little nightmare:

Warm-up:
Dynamic warm-up – each movement x2 at 25 yards each:
High knee walk, high knee jog, butt kickers, lateral shuffle, straight leg march, skip, straight leg skip

Main Set:
Run/Jog/Walk 15 minutes

Perform 1 minute of each exercise, with 10 second rest between:

• push-ups
• crunches
• pull-ups
• plank
• squat jumps
• jump rope (fast)
• mountain climbers
• flutter kicks
• arm curls with sandbag
• 1-minute rest

Perform strength exercise sequence 1-3 times.

Run/Jog/Walk 15 minutes

Now let me just tell you that pull ups and I DO NOT jive. I made a pact with gravity a long time ago. I promised not to break its laws and it promised not to stop working and let me hurl off the face of the planet and end up in outer space. My "sets" consist of doing a couple, then having to just hang there like an overripe grape.

I am used to the first few days of a new routine causing muscles to hurt...but never in my life had I reached a point where picking up a glass of water caused my lats to fail and for my arm to shake like Michael J. Fox on a six pack of Red Bulls. (And before you get all wincy about that line, he tells even better jokes about his condition and is actually quite good in his new sitcom.)

Happy New Year, everybody. And how are your resolutions coming?